Has your mum ever said things like, “You’ll miss me when I’m dead,” or “You don’t love me anymore?” What would you do if you’ve finally got your life together, things have never been better and then your mother asks you to drop everything because your father is maybe sick? Why would someone who loves you so much do things like this and what does it do to you?
It’s all about making you feel guilty. Guilt is a powerful emotion used to control and manipulate. If we feel guilty, we’ll do what we’re told. Guilt comes from society, religion, parents, charities…everyone tosses it out to get what they want. You need, you must and you should aren’t words of advice but words to beguile. Society says we shouldn’t be selfish and if your parents need you, you’re bound by honor/duty to do whatever…and if you don’t, you’re a bad child. We become afraid of what people think of us. When one uses guilt, often times they’re avoiding responsibility and putting the onus on the person they’re guilting.
You want to be a good person but if you feel you’re not, then you feel guilty, and with guilt your ironically feel better. Most guilt is useless and harmful to where you can develop serious health issues. How? It’s the energy of the emotion that can affect your chi flow and over years of being bombarded with guilty, not just from family and friends but also self guilt. Since childhood, girls are often raised to become mothers and with that notion society expects her to sacrifice everything for her family.
With great sacrifice comes great entitlement and thus mothers can make father and kids feel guilty about all that she has sacrificed for the family and this in turn can make the target of her guilt very unhealthy. Sad thing is that many mums don’t always realize that they’re doing it to their children or husband. The reverse can also be true. Thus families can become a bottomless pit of guilt complexes that over a time can set up one’s body to become fraught with physical, mental and emotional illnesses. Furthermore, if you use guilt as a way to interact with others and make decisions based on how to avoid guilt, then you’re not living for yourself. Do you buy gifts because you want to or because guilt or society tells you to?
When I was a kid my mum gripped to me about things that had nothing to with me. As I got older, I’d ask, “Do I look like a bartender?” Society dictates that a good son must listen and that just enables a mum to complain more and further avoid taking responsibility for her own actions. So now it’s my responsibility to make her feel better and if I can’t do that, I’d feel guilty. Over time this can create great resentment as parents can put kids on edge forcing us to do things out of what’s best for the parents and not your self…because then that makes you a bad child. See how I just guilt-complexed you?
Bottom line is this, people often use guilt as a ruse to get what they want. Do you feel that a bond based on guilt creates a healthy relationship?